i don't like this

"Hey, baby."
"Hi, Mom."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Why?" Lie.
"You don't seem fine. Is something wrong?"
Only most of everything. "No. Everything's just peachy."
"Okay..."


"Kayla?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." Lie.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Lie.
"You've been awfully quiet."
I miss my best friends. "I'm watching a movie."
"Okay..."

I don't even feel bad about lying to them. I'm so used to letting the words flicker off the tip of my tongue that I don't even think about it anymore, it just happens. If they're noticing and none of you are, then maybe you don't really care and you're not really my friends...

I found myself crying today. It was like waking up from a dream and feeling the tears still running down your cheeks after you'd thought you'd imagined them. They were slow at first and I was confused as to why I was crying at all. Then I remember where I was: sitting on the deck, the wicker chair under me, my knees clutched to my chest. My face was toward the sky and my eyes had been closed. The sky had been beautiful, bright. It had been the perfect shade of blue but I'd been thinking of you...

"Damn girl! You so fine I wanna lick yo face."
I love that girl to death.
She always knows how to cheer me up.
Even if I am keeping her from bed at 3 in the morning.

Let's face it.
I need a therapist.
Maybe Zoloft or something.
Whatever my mother is on.
Dammit.
No.
I'm not depressed.
Even if I do show a lot of symptoms.
Fuck.
No.
I can't think about this.
Goodbye