Even During The Day...

Toss.
Turn.
Whimper.
I can see the scene playing out behind my eyelids, even though I'm only half asleep.
I'm conscious of both, my dream and my bed.
The feeling of my eyes clenched shut is highly unpleasant.
I can't do this.
Toss.
Turn.
Muffled scream.
Why do I keep dreaming this?
Toss.
Sigh.
No. This is wrong.
This isn't what happened last time.
"I don't love you."
This is right.
Turn.
Whimper.
Scream.
Tears.
I can't breathe now.
There's no air entering my lungs.
My face is wet.
Toss.
Turn.
Wipe face.
Moisture on my fingers.
Too thick to be tears.
Cry.
Scream.
I've been horrible.
They're coming for me.
Where do I put you?
Roll.
Turn head.
Dumpster.
Classic.
I'll put you there.
Toss.
Turn.
You're heavier dead.
Not much though.
Your hair keeps sticking to my fingers.
Convulse.
Twitch.
Toss.
Metallic air.
I hear the sirens.
I can't lift you high enough.
Turn.
Choke in air.
I know what "dead weight" means.
You won't roll over the edge.
Whimper.
Wipe hands.
You're in.
You're finally in.
I'm stained.
I have to run.
Toss.
Turn.
Run.
I feel like an animal.
There's something different.
The sirens.
They've stopped.
Run.
Leap.
Darkness.
Beyond the fence is a haunting black.
Stars illuminate the sky.
The bay is up ahead.
Run.
Jump.
Splash.
I'm drowning.
I've killed you.
I have to die too.
That's what you said isn't it?
"In killing me, you kill yourself."
Toss.
Turn.
Choke.
Cry.
Didn't you mean emotionally?
I'm only sucking in water.
My chest is burning.
I'm going to die.
Whimper.
Breathe.
New water fills my lungs.
Suffocating them.
This is too slow.
Why aren't I dying?
Toss.
Cry.
Turn.
Punishment.
You're already in Heaven and you're laughing as I die.
I'm not sorry I killed you.
I'll never be sorry I killed you.
Toss.
Turn.
Rest.