I'mSoSure.

He's torn everything off the walls.
Erased all that was on the whiteboard.
Cleaned out drawers.
Now he's moving to the bedroom.
I'm so sure he's packing up to leave.
I'm so sure.

Who can I talk to about this?
No one.
No one will care.
I tried to talk to Samantha.
But what does she care?
She's ignoring me.
She only speaks to me when she has to.

What am I supposed to do?
I can't say anything to him.
What would I say?
'You're being a jackass. This is stupid. Your diet is stupid. Running until your legs give out is stupid. FIGHTING WITH MOTHER OVER A FUCKING HAM IS STUPID.'
No.
I won't say anything.
I'll watch my family fall apart.

No amount of fun I had yesterday will keep me from dealing with this.
Brandon can do the 'Truffle Shuffle' and beg me for waffles and steal my alcohol all he wants.
Sarah can make awkward jokes and Haley can warn me about not having sex.
Margaret and I can throw snow at WeirdKidOnBus.
None of it matters if I have to come down from that to deal with my family.
I'm beginning to understand drug users.
I'm beginning to understand why some people would do anything just to get away.
Even for a little while.

I need to get away.
For weeks.
Maybe months.
Who's going to need me?
Amanda's moving out soon enough isn't she?
Mom's been falling apart for months, the process will be quicker, easier, without her pretending for me.
Dad, well, he's leaving too. I can feel it.
Serena never needed any of us. That's why she left us while I was still so young.

Samantha doesn't need me like she said she did.
Raymond will have her to fall back on.
Margaret's got TheGirlThatHitMe and all her other friends.
Giulia can pass WH without me.
All of them will be fine.
I just need to get away.
I need to start over.
Perhaps if I could start over, I could pretend to be someone else rather than the person I've been pretending to be.
Perhaps...