You.

I know you probably think you know who this is about. You probably think it's Charlie, or even Josh. It's not. They don't mean much to me lately. Just people I pass in the hall or stand near on accident. Samantha may have said that all of them want to start over with me. She may have even said that Josh told her that. I refuse to believe it for several reasons. Mainly because, well, why should they? What did I ever do for them? What have I ever done to them to give them a reason to miss me.
Maybe it's because they realized that it really is possible for me to be happy without them. I'm not about to let them destroy my "happiness". Or fill them in on the fact that I'm not.

Anyway, this is about the one kid that has the power to completely control me. The one person I know that I'd do anything for, even though he's torn me to pieces... This is to the only boy I know that's ever had the power to make me cry without saying much, the only one that's ever considered hatred a joke. Really fun. Like HA. It's not.

I'd like to have him know that Samantha and I sat in the park and cried yesterday. He's the reason it started. Then words between Samantha and I continued them.

She said something. "You know what's sad?" she said. I don't remember what was so sad, but I remember my response:
"No. You know what's sad? The fact that I can close my eyes and see everything the way it was. How it used to be when I came heres. I can close my eyes and see Charlie, and Evan, and Brandon sitting on this bench. I can see Casey running around being a dumb ass, and Kayli sitting next to me. I'm saying, 'I'll give you a hint. His name doesn't start with a 'c' or an 'e'. Then when I open my eyes, it's gone. The Day in the Park. The day that was nearly perfect. The weather was beautiful and I was in good company. The day we'll never get back."
She went on to ask what happened to everyone. I tried to explain. I started at the beginning. I even told her that she was a replacement for when everyone was gone suddenly. Sure she'd been there all year. Sure we'd been good friend. No, she wasn't my first choice, none of them were. And look at us now: better off than any of us were before.

I've totally sidetracked, but I don't care. No one reads these blogs anyway.

They need me now, like I needed you then. You left me, I'm not doing the same to them.

Goodbye.