Perhaps

Perhaps I should fill you in on what's going on in my life right now.
Where shall I start?
How about something happy?
Sorta?

Well, Amanda's engaged.
Fucking engaged.
Someone kill me.
Do you understand what I'm going to be related to?
The Nolans.
Really?
Amanda Nolan?
How stupid does that sound?
...
I don't even know anymore.


Moving on.

Apparently my imagination and subconscious are super active lately.
Do you know how many dreams I've had since you apologized?

Well, shit.
I wasn't going to bring that up.
Though, I suppose I was going to have to bring it up sooner or later right?
It can wait.


"I think it's about you."
"I'm sure it is."
"You don't care?"
"Should I?"
"Yeah? She's practically saying you're still vulnerable and too trusting."
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What?"
"THAT'S PROBABLY THE BIGGEST LIE SINCE ALEC TOLD ME HE WAS GOD! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What?"
"Trusting? Fuck trusting."
"But you act like you trust her."
"There's a reason it's called 'acting', cunt."


'I would like to apologize for being a jackass.'
'Would you?'
'Yes.'
Oh. I'm so fucking sure, dick. How the hell do you expect me to just pick up where I left off with you? Actually, where did we even leave off?
That day on the bus? Where you announced to everyone on the fucking bus that you were deleting my number, meaning we weren't friends anymore? Can you even call that something? Can you even consider the place where we dropped everything?
What about the days I got on the bus and you said, "I hate you, Kayla." and I painstakingly whispered, "I know."?
Or perhaps we left of on the day Samantha and I cried in the park. The day you called us crackheads and told me that hatred was a joke to you.
Or maybe we left off with those days you told me you loved me. "I love you, Kayla." I never will take you seriously about that.
For now, I'll say we left off the day you actually stopped being nice and cute and pleasant and friendly. I'll say the second you stopped pretending to be my friend is the day when we left it all behind.
You've been replaced, you know. AND, I also hope you know that I'm betting the only reason you apologized at all is because Shelbie dumped you and you need Samantha to be the rebound, and you can't apologize to her without apologizing to me because it would seem too obvious. You're still making it obvious. It might be a bit less so if you actually tried to talk to me. You're an ass.

What else shall I talk about?

Oh.
I finally framed the most perfect picture I've ever found of a relative. My grandfather's sister Suzy. Wearing a prom dress, sitting on the couch, talking into a black phone, a framed Graduating Class picture behind her on the wall, a table full of pictures resting on the adjacent wall. It's beautiful. She was beautiful.

I think I've run out of things. I'm terribly sorry. Perhaps I'll think of more later.
For now, I'm going to read Plain Truth. It's about Amish people.

Goodbye, loves.