Harley...

So, it's 6:41 and I'm crying.
I'm crying really hard.
Really, really hard...
And you're not going to understand why, but I'll try to explain.

Harley was one of our dogs.
She was a German Shepard- Great Dane mix.
She was big and lovable with a white coat and black spots, like a dalmation.
She was pretty and sweet.
Huge, but sweet and nice.
She listened when you called to her and she liked to be rubbed behind her ears and bury her face in the space between your knees.
She smelled, but she was soft to the touch.
Her tongue was long and thin when she panted in the summer heat.
You had to bathe her with a hose while she was tied to a post in the backyard.
She liked to have her tummy rubbed, it kept her calm.
She ran like a cheetah and she loved everyone.
Harley liked to sit in your lap and sniff your face with her wet black nose.
She loved the snow and liked to eat it.
Tug-Of-War was her favourite game.
She chased after you and tackled you.
We'd gotten her and she was my dog.
I was her owner.
I loved her so much.
I walked her all the time and played with her.
I gave her fresh water and helped bathe her.
She was my favourite dog.
She was only 5 years old.
She had heart worms, but she had the procedure, but she only got worse.
She had an enlarged esophagus, and she couldn't eat whole food and she couldn't keep wet food down.
She got really really thin.
But she was still strong.
Still pulled you along when you walked her.
Still had the energy to play...

She died today.
We came home from shopping and we were standing on the deck.
There had been boys in the yard.
Doing whatever and Daddy had gone out to scare them off.
And Amanda asked, "Is Harley alive?"
Because Harley was laying up against the fence of her pen, not moving.
She didn't answer when I called for her.
Then Daddy says, "Probably not."
Amanda went down the steps to her pen and covered her face.
I ran back into the house and shut the door, taking the stairs as fast as I could.
I knew she was dead.
I could feel it.
I was already crying.
Amanda told Daddy, "I don't think she's alive."
And he treated it like it was nothing, just getting up slowly, trying to figure out what to do.
Mom came out of the bathroom.
Amanda told her what she'd seen, "She's just laying there and there's flies all over her. I called to her and she didn't move..."
Mom buried her face in the towel she'd been holding to match Amanda and I. Our hands covered our mouths and noses.
Daddy put gloves on and Mom did too.
They went to see.
Amanda and I followed.
They didn't have to say it.
Daddy went to her and touched her.
Amand and I watched from near the house.
When he came out of the pen, Mom buried her face in his chest and cried.
Amanda let the tears fall.
She grabbed me and and we stood there hugging, crying.
Then Daddy was yelling, "Go away! Get away from here! The dog is dead! Go! Away!"
The boys had been standing near the fence, watching.
They'd been in our yard.
They'd already known.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they'd been the reason she's dead.
They've always been throwing things into her pen.
Amanda let go and Mom grabbed me.
Telling me how she feels its her fault.
She didn't feed her enough, take her to the vet when she got so thin.
Its not her fault.
I told her it's not her fault.

Nothing was wrong with Harley until we took her to Compassion.
Nothing.
She was in perfect health.
There was nothing wrong with her esophagus.
We only took her for the heart worm treatment.
Dogs came back as healthy as ever from that.
Not Harley.
She came back with a lot of issues.
I'm blaming Compassion Animal Hospital.
Mom believes when they take Harley to get cremated they'll tell her it was her fault.
I would blame them.
Tell them that my puppy was in great shape before they screwed her up.
Blame them because Harley could take dry food before they operated on her.
She could run and jump and play with me.
She could actually keep her food down.
They did something to her to make her die.
I honestly believe they did.

Crying is giving me a headache.
I can't keep typing...
Bye.