You Won't Read This

But I'm going to say it anyway. And if you do, by some chance, happen to read this, I want you to imagine it in my voice. The same, hurried, insecure, trying-not-to-cry-because-i-feel-bad-for-making-you-feel-bad voice that I've used too many times.

Nothing I've said was meant to be harsh to you, to make you feel the way you say it does. Most of it wasn't even meant to be directed to you.

I suppose now that I know you're not mad at me I can leave that photo comment. You like those. Maybe it'll fix somethings if this doesnt. I hope it does.

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad or set you up as a bad parent. I swear I wasn't. If I'd finished out the dream you would have known. I didn't finish typing it. I'm sorry, my excuse is bad, so I won't use it. If you want to know how it ended, then here:

The woman gave me a cold stare for a moment and dropped her eyes, now staring at her small feet.
"I know. It doesn't mean that I don't love her as if I'd given birth myself."
I'd broken her. I could see it in her face. I'd hit the one nerve that could break her into a million pieces and I hadn't known it until it had been said.
"I know you do..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around her. She didn't shrink away. In stead she rested her head on the soft fabric of my suit. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was childish and a lie. I know you love Adelaide. I know you love him too. I... I shouldn't get in the way of your happiness. Not all those years ago and certainly not now. That's why I'm leaving. I can't stand hurting you anymore. I know I'm the reason you lose your patience with Addie so easily. You're only cruel when I'm around..."
I watched as we stood together, her crying into my shoulder and me rubbbing her back gently. She didn't show any sign that she'd heard what I said or that she knew I meant it. She only continued to cry until the scene faded out and I woke up to the sound of my alarm.

Oh.
I nearly forgot.
Hi!(: