9:20

I couldn't sleep.
From about 11-4 I laid awake staring at the ceiling.
Thinking.
I spent 5 hours thinking.
Thinking about everything.
What I've said before and what I'll hold back now.
It's not my descision.
Get hurt if you want to.
I promise if you do I won't say I told you so.

While I was thinking I didn't figure much out.
I figured out that this is what they want for now.
Minds will change, they did before.
But if for now they're happy, I should be too.

I also came to another conclusion.
The one that explains why I've never told you that I love you seriously and in person.
If I say it, I don't want it to be a lie.
Love is a promise.
Even in friendships.
Its a promise to be there and care for a very long time.
At least to me that's how it is.
I'm not ready to make that promise.

And then after all my thinking, I dreamt.
I dreamt some terrible things.
That I hope won't happen.
They might though, so I'll push the thought away for now.